Things have come about this past year that I could have never imagined happening. And this year looks like it might even have more in store.
I don't share this and actually haven't shared my feelings on this with anyone, (besides God and my husband) but felt it was something I needed to share. I needed to voice how I feel and maybe it will help me or others to see that what we are doing actually matters.
Short story...In 98' my now husband, a friend of ours, and I had gotten into a head-on collision. One that most people wouldn't have walked away from let alone survived. We were headed home when we came around a blind corner and was hit head on by a drunk driver. We went up and over the man's car and ended upside down. I hadn't been wearing a seat belt, and when I came to I realized that my head and half my upper body were outside of the front windshield. I remember looking up at the hood of the truck and was overwhelmed by the smell of gasoline and assault. The gasoline and dirt burned the small cuts in my scalp and a sharp pain shot up my leg. I had broken my leg and came out otherwise with only small cuts and bruises. All three of us came out without life threatening injuries!! The truck was totaled and the man got off scot free.
But you probably are asking why I share this horrible story. What has followed me through out the years is actually a phone call I had received a couple of days after that accident. A very close and long time friend had called me to see how I was doing. He had said to me that he didn't know what he would've done if I hadn't survived the car accident...His words stuck with me and I will remember that phone call for the rest of my life...
Because no more than a few weeks after he made that call that same friend died in a freak accident while riding his dirt bike out in the desert.
I often ask myself and God why had I survived and he did not. What in my life would become more important than what he could have accomplished. I also question whether or not the things I have accomplished are what God had planned for me. Am I good mother? Will my children love me and know how much I truly love them? I also wonder that maybe them, themselves are who will become the great outcome of my life. Maybe I was just the way they got here. I also ask, do my parents look at what I have accomplished and have set out to accomplish worth the life they have provided me?
I also ask if writing is what I was meant to do? If I don't succeed, will it matter, or is it that, I was brave enough to put pen to paper? Does my art matter, even if no one buys my work, or will it inspire someone else who will become a world renowned artist? Why was my life not up yet? What am I suppose to be doing and accomplishing?
I try to look at life with the thought that it could end at any moment and in truth it can! We never know when it can come to an end and while we're here we need to make the most of it. Put everything we have into loving and caring for those around us. Make sure you tell those important to you, that you DO love them each and every day. Make sure to tell yourself that you ARE important and no matter the outcome, what you do IS important as well. Don't be afraid to try something new, because that one thing might be what God had intended for you all along.
With a new year I want to remind myself of this and I hope it can inspire and help some of you as well. God has a plan for me and whether I have already accomplished his goals or his plan is still set out in front of me, I plan to put forth the time and effort to do it justice. I use my life as inspiration and I hope you all realize that your life in it's self is inspiring.
I will not waste this life...I refuse to waste this life and what it has in store for me.
Fear can hinder your life but Hope can encourage what it's meant to be.
Hugs To ALL
Jamie D.
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